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The Internet is After Me August 4, 2017

Posted by Peter Varhol in Uncategorized.
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The Internet is after me.  It’s trying to grab my attention, for a few seconds, so I can dote on cute little kittens scurrying across my dinner, in exchange for my unconscious watching an ad for Tidy Bowl for half a minute.

Hey, I’m old.  Did I tell you that?  I must have forgotten.  Kittens are the only thing I recognize on the Internet, but boy, are they cute.  I have cats, and they sure are cute, but the ones on the Internet are so highly trained in the art and science of cuteness that I simply can’t stop looking at them.  But there is a problem.

I walk down the street, looking at my kittens on a screen that my eyes can barely discern, and I see random ads popping up on the screen.  In fact, the ads are covering up the kittens!  I stop abruptly, causing a little boy to crash right into my backside, and look around me.

Yes!  There is the Hamburger Haven, right across the street.  I look back down and my screen, and yes, the kittens were chasing hamburgers!  And when a kitten caught one, it polished it off with a lick of its lips and a smirk on its face.  What a cute kitten!

It made me hungry just watching.  I looked up again at the Hamburger Haven, then started crossing the street.  I didn’t get far before I got clipped by a car.  I spun around and fell, but was still focused on getting to that hamburger.  Double meat, double cheese, bacon, oh yes bacon, lettuce, and ketchup.  A tomato would not be overkill, would it?

I wasn’t hurt, more startled, but the car screeched to a stop, and a young guy got out.  He was looking at his phone as he rushed to my side, but I don’t think he was calling 9-1-1.  No, he showed me the screen, and said, “Let’s go get a hamburger.”  Damn.

So we had a hamburger.  And super fries.  And a drink.  But as I licked my lips, I realized an essential truth.

They not only know who I am, they know where I am.  And they want to sell me hamburgers.  Maybe panty hose, though I hope not.  But kittens?  Oh yes, show me more kittens.

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