The Internet is After Me August 4, 2017
Posted by Peter Varhol in Uncategorized.Tags: Internet, kittens
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The Internet is after me. It’s trying to grab my attention, for a few seconds, so I can dote on cute little kittens scurrying across my dinner, in exchange for my unconscious watching an ad for Tidy Bowl for half a minute.
Hey, I’m old. Did I tell you that? I must have forgotten. Kittens are the only thing I recognize on the Internet, but boy, are they cute. I have cats, and they sure are cute, but the ones on the Internet are so highly trained in the art and science of cuteness that I simply can’t stop looking at them. But there is a problem.
I walk down the street, looking at my kittens on a screen that my eyes can barely discern, and I see random ads popping up on the screen. In fact, the ads are covering up the kittens! I stop abruptly, causing a little boy to crash right into my backside, and look around me.
Yes! There is the Hamburger Haven, right across the street. I look back down and my screen, and yes, the kittens were chasing hamburgers! And when a kitten caught one, it polished it off with a lick of its lips and a smirk on its face. What a cute kitten!
It made me hungry just watching. I looked up again at the Hamburger Haven, then started crossing the street. I didn’t get far before I got clipped by a car. I spun around and fell, but was still focused on getting to that hamburger. Double meat, double cheese, bacon, oh yes bacon, lettuce, and ketchup. A tomato would not be overkill, would it?
I wasn’t hurt, more startled, but the car screeched to a stop, and a young guy got out. He was looking at his phone as he rushed to my side, but I don’t think he was calling 9-1-1. No, he showed me the screen, and said, “Let’s go get a hamburger.” Damn.
So we had a hamburger. And super fries. And a drink. But as I licked my lips, I realized an essential truth.
They not only know who I am, they know where I am. And they want to sell me hamburgers. Maybe panty hose, though I hope not. But kittens? Oh yes, show me more kittens.
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